Despair

Insanity keeps me sane. My delusions are a foil, for without them, I will see my life for it is: unsung, unremarkable, mediocre. My insanity keeps despair at bay. Till now I have escaped her clutches, but she is drawing near. I can feel her cold fingers circle my mind, and so, I feed my mind with more delusions. Anything to keep despair at bay, for once she has you, there is no escape.

Goodbye and good luck

I did one of the hardest things ever asked of me. Saying goodbye to my closest friend. And U2s Kite seems to linger in my mind:
Something is about to give
I can feel it coming
I think I know what it is
I'm not afraid to die
I'm not afraid to live
And when I'm flat on my back
I hope to feel like I did
And hardness, it sets in
You need some protection
The thinner the skin
I want you to know
That you don't need me anymore
I want you to know
You don't need anyone
Or anything at all
Who's to say where the wind will take you?
Who's to say what it is will break you?
I don't know, which way the wind will blow
Who's to know when the time has come around?
Don't want to see you cry
I know that this is not goodbye

It's summer, I can taste the salt of the sea
There's a kite blowing out of control on the breeze
I wonder what's gonna happen to you
You wonder what has happened to me...

I'm a man, I'm not a child...
A man who sees The shadow behind your eyes
Who's to say where the wind will take you?
Who's to say what it is will break you?
I don't know, where the wind will blow
Who's to know when the time has come around?
I don't want to see you cry I know that this is not goodbye

Did I waste it? Not so much I couldn't taste it
Life should be fragrant
Rooftop to the basement
The last of the rock stars
When hip hop drove the big cars
In the time when new media
Was the big idea
That was the big idea
- To the leg-end

Dylan got it wrong

I do not want to rage against the dying of the light. I want to go gently into the good night.

My right to die

I've found something to say, so here goes.
When our animals suffer, we put them down. They die a dignified death, but we do not extend that same privilege to ourselves. Instead, as humans we are conditioned to suffer, to push the body to its limit, anything to avoid death. And this is something I simply do not understand. When a human being suffering from a disease wishes to go gently into that good night, he is not allowed to end it all. What’s so noble about that? Age is debilitating, illness even more.
We claim to have achieved so much as a society, but when it comes to death, we fall back on medieval practices. So, the doctors will pump you with every possible, horrible painkiller, medication and whatnot, to keep you alive. You cannot walk, cannot think, drool like an infant, and you’re wasting away, but you’re alive, and that’s what couns. Shall we all rejoice?
We send our soldiers to die, turn a deaf ear to genocide and religious cleansing, but we cling on to this right that we think we have: The right to live.
But what about my right to die? Why should the government decide that I don’t have the right to die? When I am old and my mind is addled, or when I’m suffering from cancer or some other painful disease, I don’t want to live. I want the same right that my dog has. Instead, I’ll have to find some horrible, bloody way to end it all. There’s no comfort in that, no dignity. I keep thinking of Dorothy Parker’s little ditty:
Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.
And so we live. Life goes on, until death comes for us. And we watch as the mind fails and the body weakens – helpless to do anything.
My grandfather, I’m told, spends most of his time sleeping. He is old and weary. He has nothing to say to anyone anymore. And he lives with my grandmum in a big empty house, waking up only to eat and bathe. He is dying, the family whispers. No, he’s not. After 90 years on this Earth, he wants out. But no one is listening to him.
I hope that when my body (and mind) begins to disintegrate rapidly, society will allow me my right to die. But I’m not placing any bets on that one.

It's over

The lady has nothing to say anymore

Trouble Helix

This one’s all thanks to Harper’s.
From a list complied tin 2006 by British police chiefs of more than 5,000 offences warranting that the DNA of an arrested suspect be retained for life in a national database

Violating king’s wife
Violating king’s eldest daughter
Violating wife of king’s eldest son and heir
Throwing offensive weapon or matter at sovereign with intent to alarm
Levying war against the sovereign in his or her realm
Buggery
Buggery with women
Buggery with animal
Buggery with man in private
Buggery with man other than in private
Procuring a woman who is defective
Procuring a woman by false pretences
Abducting unmarried girl under 18
Procuring poison to effect miscarriage
Supplying poison to procure miscarriage
Placing non human embryo in a woman
Counselling female to be circumcised
Riding horse furiously in street
Wantonly disturbing inhabitant by knocking on door or ringing doorbell
Keeping disorderly house
Removing buoys
Rout
Affray
Voyeurism
Sacrilege
Theft of wild flowers
Theft of wild creatires
Using explosive to take fish
Discharging stone or missile to kill or take fish
Handling salmon in suspicious circumstances
Cruelty to badgers
Disturbing badger when it is occupying badger lair
Possessing or controlling dead badger
Fraudulently evading bingo duty
Falsely pretending to be a deserter (Can someone explain this one to me?)
Failure to remove disguise when required by constable
Wasting police time

Run rabbit, run

It’s time – I can feel it in the air. Time to move – to escape from my existence. To live in a strange land for a while at least. The ties that I have with the few people I love will pull me back. But I will not think about that now. Now, I need to pack my bags, book my tickets and say goodbye to this city which has been my home for too many years.